im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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