how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
