I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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