I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
