I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
