I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
