I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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