I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
