an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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