True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
