that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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