There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
