just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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