you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize