Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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