im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
