I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize