you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
