The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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