AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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