Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
