Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
try to milk me bitch
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