my soul wont recognize me after tonight
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
