You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
