Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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