DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
