Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
