I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
