Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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