OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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