I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm passing your future prison.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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