We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
