I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
