She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
