I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sarcasm needs its own font
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
