You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
