Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
