Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The uberlube is also flammable
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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