4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
