You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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