Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
