Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
