His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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