i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this hospital has no fireball
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
