Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
