jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
