Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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