Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
