Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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