I'm jealous of your bromance
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
