im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i think my cat just said my name.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
