I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
