i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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