At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
