What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
