a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
