Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
