It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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