remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
