i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Are we still banned from the library?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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