I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
