Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
should my penis look like a turkey
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
