You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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