You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
