Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
