god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
