one might say we're banned from that church
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
