I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
