Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
