No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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