btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
