On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
