I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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