I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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