Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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