Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
