As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's great music for shaving your balls
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
